Irrelephant.

If you want trainings on how to successfully be irrelevant, I'm your man. I don't know how I do it, but apparently among my numberless 'talents' there's also this weird one. Of being easygoing after my two minutes of adaptability request have been granted, of being in the center of attention although sometimes attention whorish, and being adorable nonetheless, however not having my name or myself per se remembered or seriously accounted for.

It would not be such a momentous issue, were it to be limited exclusively to my will to be endlessly likeable to them all boys and girls, to be listened and contemplated by wide believing eyes and ears and have my brains fedback out. This level of frivolous significance I did achieve, but mostly from people who unfortunately are themselves irrelevant to me. I'm not generalizing and by no means I mean this as a gratuitous iniquity, them people cannot be all equally important, but I be damned if I'm not a masochist and choose to heartily prioritize those who will not give a damn.

What's becoming more and more stringent and obvious is that I fail to shine exactly where I mostly should. And it is frustrating as hell, and exemplifiable in all freakin major areas . Because I can do a great job, an outstanding one if I may brag a bit, but I fail to show it. And my being a silent achiever, why, no thanks. Because opportunities keep flying around making my head spin, but I cannot grasp them at their entirety and I have people asking me if I'm showing the real me and if I'm exploiting myself at full capacity. And my forcedly waltzing forever with the wrong job, again, no thank you. Because I try to express my frustrations, or at least start somewhere, and my wish to have a healthy discussion is waved in another's non-wish to polemicise. And my settling for sterile half-relationships, no more, no thank you.

Heartbreaking is that I do realize my irrelevance, the big elephant in the room, and I do try to push for a change. But if people and circumstances have already decided on one's level of significance, it's rather tough to change that. Meanwhile, quoting, I'm just gonna go and stand outside, and if anyone asks, I'm Outstanding.