I have no idea why. It is maybe because we were brought up in the spirit of enjoying little pleasures, of comforting ourselves with tiny happiness(es), or that we were taught it should be the small things that give us a joyful state of mind, that we drown forever in this littleness.
We choose to talk little. I'm not speaking about quantity, shoot, who am I to say that? I am not even speaking about tone or emphasis, but about content. We speak about all the nonsense, we gossip till we lose our breath, we even discuss weather or food like huge topics. But the important stuff, we choose to ignore. Because of course, in our Lilliputian thinking, not talking about something big makes it go away. Just like that, like a charm. Because it is oh such a charming little world, this world we live in. I would like to shake this fake charm away with my rough talking about all the big and disturbing subjects.
As an appendix to talking, there is the complaining. We would complain about all the little things: a bitter salad, a broken nail, a day too warm, the wrong color or fit of a pair of pants, but we would never take off our chest the big stones. We feel as if throwing away a handful of dust from our rusty being fixes it, but the huge rocks stay there. Is it because we always fear that the objects of our affection(which prove to be so many and so scattered) might somehow find themselves in the rock's trajectory? I myself would like to be able to complain about all the things that really upset me, and less about all the trivia that make me come across as a spoiled princess.
We listen little, we just smile dumbly when someone throws the aforementioned dust. And let everything slide past our ears. Who knows, maybe it is just a way of protection against the rocks that might tumble unintentionally towards us. Or maybe it's just carelessness. We're just plainly too little to differentiate between.
We take little advice. Of course, we would ask for advice concerning all the stupid things, giving away the impression that we are so very interested in the others' opinion. But for the big stuff, well, no advice whatsoever.
We give little. We boast with pretence of altruism, we ask for loads of affection, love, understanding, patience, but we give very little in return. And when we don't get the greatness we ask for, we pout like babies, taking away even the littleness we were willing to give in the first place. Taking our toys and leaving the playground. And this leaving, going back and forth leads us to expecting less and less in time. And to feeling less and less.
We hug a little, touch a little, and then run a little. We commit a little,surrender just as much, and then become a little defensive. We suffocate a little from the little worries and forget a little about the big picture. We give up a little on ourselves and then give up a little more on the others.
We laugh a little, cry a little, we're a little angry, we're a little excited, we get a little scared, then we gather a little courage, that at the end of the day gets us into a little trouble. We have all these little problems that make us die a little inside. While we're living big our little lives.
I guess this might be disturbing,but I'm just not happy with being a little happy. Come on, be a big fish with me in this little pond.
