It is only politically fair to the year of 2011 to make a societal, sentimental, introspective, retrospective balance sheet of the past 12 months. Not only because I read some really inspirational posts on the subject, that fueled the green monster of envy and its brotherly peer, the writing muse. Not even because, according to some apocalyptic thinking (equally nonsensical and overrated if you ask me), this might be the last chance to use New Year's as an excuse for resolutions, reminiscing, wishing. But because one way or the other we do constantly create some sort of scales on our course of action and living. And this clearly reaches the peak of drama under the pretext of overpriced Champagne, pet disturbing fireworks and flipping the last page in one's cat printed calendar. And, at the end of the day, be it the 31st of December, what's more fashionable than some heart poured right in the reader's face, some happiness and bitterness prone to be reason for concerns or gloating.
My 2011 started quite typically, away from home (if sticking to the classical definition for "home"), with elaborated plans for New Year's that turned into an elaborated disaster, similar in effect to some last minute planning. With some drunken birds and onions, plenty of booze to drunken up the birds and humans, an indoor picnic, some hours of street wandering, a whole bunch of awkwardness but some sort of cozy end, or better said beginning. One may say that someone put a spell on us(me), which brings every New Year's Eve to a whole new level of weirdness year after year. Me, I just find it appalling that all the stress of creating something beautiful turns into a hot mess. So, resolution for 2012, if Mother Earth is still kind enough to have us for another year, the New Year's plans will be bloody light and spontaneous.
My 2011 started quite typically, away from home (if sticking to the classical definition for "home"), with elaborated plans for New Year's that turned into an elaborated disaster, similar in effect to some last minute planning. With some drunken birds and onions, plenty of booze to drunken up the birds and humans, an indoor picnic, some hours of street wandering, a whole bunch of awkwardness but some sort of cozy end, or better said beginning. One may say that someone put a spell on us(me), which brings every New Year's Eve to a whole new level of weirdness year after year. Me, I just find it appalling that all the stress of creating something beautiful turns into a hot mess. So, resolution for 2012, if Mother Earth is still kind enough to have us for another year, the New Year's plans will be bloody light and spontaneous.
This round and puffy year continued with some months even further away from home(and now we must not necessarily stick to the classical definition of home, cause after all home is where your heart is and mine was miles away) in beautiful but freezing cold Norway. There's where I learned plenty of things (with the risk of being repetitive) about the world, about the others, but mostly about me. But my version of the Oslo tale was already told earlier in this written history.
Starting sometime in May I experienced one of the nastiest things that ever occurred, when my hair started to leave me deciding there's too much drama in my head and that's not a safe environment to live. It still hangs on to that decision, but has loosened up a little. It probably figured I've learned my lesson. And it's somewhat true. It indeed made me remember how much I used to complain that my hair was not pretty, thick or long enough. Now I want that back as I figured it was not bad at all. It's taught me the rough way that sometimes I can be too picky, so, extrapolating, another resolution for 2012 is to be slightly more thankful for what I have, and try to think less of what could've been better if I have no plans of changing it. And if my hair will be able to handle being turned into blonde during this year, it'll mean that I'm ready for so much more changes for the better in my life.
Sometime in June I came back to Bucharest. It ached more than I let see, as I felt it like a huge defeat. I am not sure what I was aching for, as I am not ever quite sure of anything. Well actually there are few things I am sure of, after working hard for becoming so, and this conducts to another huge resolution for this year, to leave this country without looking back.
Then came July, and together with it my first real job. Unfortunately for me and those who know me, probably better than they wished, I am not the most patient of beings, so timeliness was crucial when deciding what company to embrace. So here I am, 6 months later, having learned responsibility, not loving it, but being grateful for plenty of things, among which the fact that from a million jobs available in this world, I have ticked one I do not want to do. So basically I am closer to figuring out what I want to do with my career, whose thorough planning seems just a little less acceptable than planning a shelter scheme in case of a zombies' apocalypse. But in my twenty fifth year of existence, to embrace the roundness of a quarter century, I target reasonability and wisdom, so, "grown up" resolution, figure out what the heck amma gonna do about this sensitive point called career.
Then came July, and together with it my first real job. Unfortunately for me and those who know me, probably better than they wished, I am not the most patient of beings, so timeliness was crucial when deciding what company to embrace. So here I am, 6 months later, having learned responsibility, not loving it, but being grateful for plenty of things, among which the fact that from a million jobs available in this world, I have ticked one I do not want to do. So basically I am closer to figuring out what I want to do with my career, whose thorough planning seems just a little less acceptable than planning a shelter scheme in case of a zombies' apocalypse. But in my twenty fifth year of existence, to embrace the roundness of a quarter century, I target reasonability and wisdom, so, "grown up" resolution, figure out what the heck amma gonna do about this sensitive point called career.
In August I started doubting a lot, firstly myself and then anything else around me that could be doubted. And my doubt was fueled by all the other doubters out there.
It seems like September has been the month of changes and heart furnishing. It was then when I decided to change my parasite status and to literally move in with the best flat mates ever, who are temporarily and successfully filling the empty slots in my inner and outer being, who are putting up with my bipolarity and who are willing to try my cooking and for whom I'd bake all the muffins in the world (where of course muffins are a foodie euphemism for love). While I pulled two people really close to my soul, unfortunately September was also the month when I started to be a socially awkward penguin, and at a more or less conscious level I decided to push other people away, reason for which I was anything but approachable for the last quarter of 2011. Which I am trying to fix starting as of...well, the day before yesterday.
I guess many more important events happened during these past 12 months, my cat was sick but recovered, I visited 7 countries, I baked dozens of cakes, I bought tons of underware, I played Guitar Hero on Expert, I've published this blog, I gained some people and lost some people, I wrote a thesis, I graduated my Master,I ate a lot of shrimps, I grew up a little, I disappointed a little, I got a lot on people's nerves, I was loved a little more, bla, plenty of trivia on the tip of my tongue right now. Like in a round and vicious dream, the end of the year found me on foreign land again, this time in a literally feverish atmosphere, testing for the millionth time my inexistent patience and challenging my limits. But fortunately, my heart is so oxymoronic (if not bluntly moronic) that my limits have become limitless (without any magic transparent pills) and while I doubt loving the love of my life, I start loving him even more. Related to this, there can be no resolution, it's just my truth and I am fully living it, be it 2012 or whenever.
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