Chocolate for breakfast

In one's childhood years, one cannot hold back the desire to grow up as fast as possible. One imagines that together with adulthood there comes freedom, independence, will of choice, mature thinking, unconstrained but wise decision making and so much fun related to all of the above. 

One tries momma's heels, even if at one's early age they don't fit, neither straightforwardly, nor metaphorically. One puts on an outrageous amount of make-up, resulting in a clownish caricature of a grown up. Which makes the little one feel simultaneously so classy and yet so confused and enraged at the big ones' laughter. One begs grandma to pour a teaspoon of coffee in the morning milk, then one sips full of importance the barely brownish hot beverage. Another one lusts at father's tobacco pack or glass of brandy, or maybe this was in the 1920's. Better said, another one craves father's pack of Kent 8 and the glass of gin tonic, while merely indulging in passive smoking and wondering if that day will come when smoking and drinking will not be so out of reach. One, if that one a girl, or nowadays not necessarily, dreams of a puffy white dress and grotesque matching tiara. One awaits having their own children and exert responsibility on them "better than one's parents" did. If one is not a blue eyed curly blonde, one dreams of dying and curling their hair and wearing contacts to fix that. The same applies for one who is a blue eyed curly blonde but fantasizes about being a straight haired hazel eyed brunette. One swears that when fully grown up will go to sleep at 3 AM, no one bugging them to get some early rest. One vows to eat sweets for all meals and forget about the existence of broccoli and spinach. 

This switch child to adult does happen, when you suddenly become a grown up and you get to make all the decisions for yourself. From there, the most natural reaction is..oh, crap! You cannot go back to being an irresponsible child, it's like this switch completely brainwashes you and you are keen on being fully accountable for your own existence. Parents and older grown-ups will keep being parents and older grown-ups, but if their advice was non-disputable and by all means acceptable until the switch, and you would trust without protests their sanity, after you have become a "responsible adult" yourself, any attempt to set things straight from their part becomes irritating and far-fetched. Even if you'd die for someone to take Those Decisions for you, and fix That Pile of Problems over there, and teach That Very Person a lesson, the sudden adulthood does not let you sleep well at night if you don't do that yourself. The range of issues you're confronted with is outrageously varied.

From a mere amount of carrots in the meatballs or the selfie to post on Facebook, till the number of coffees tolerable a day, the perfect shampoo against hair loss, amount of mistakes or flaws acceptable per friend, ending with the pillars, like place to live, career, person to share one's life with. 

While I care deeply for my somewhat recently acquired adult status, and I am pleased I can wear 15 cm heels, drink frappes or vodka orange, sleep by choice from 2 to 6, there are moments when I curse adulthood and its strings attached from the bottom of my heart. Like this morning, after snoozing my phone for 3 times in no mood of turning on my work laptop, while fighting chickenpox by my own self, when I was trying to pull myself together to cook some healthy breakfast, but grabbed a Belgian chocolate instead. Then's when the gorgeous heels hurt your feet, coffee makes you anxious, you wish you could go out of the house without the make-up you were so much yearning for when younger, but you cannot because of the dark circles caused by going to sleep at 3 AM (by choice) and you’d kill for a broccoli home-cooked meal. Just saying, there are times when being an adult sucks, it's simple logic, when we grow up our dramas grow with us as well. 

There are times when not even high heeled shoes, caffeine or sex make do. I kid you not, not even chocolate for breakfast.